THE SECRET DIVORCEE BY LOTTIE LOMAS
When I was 40, I realised I’d married the wrong man. I had two beautiful boys, but was sinking into a mire of depression. So after months and months of tears and discussion and loneliness, I made the decision to separate from my husband.
I am a single parent, but don’t want to be defined as such. I work, I’m a pilot, I’m a singer, I’m a photographer. And a parent. I write about all sorts of aspects of life, from my family to my ageing body. Occasionally I add in pictures I’ve drawn, but they are awful. I am terrible at art.
I’m still looking for the right man. God knows where he is. He’d better show himself soon because my knees have started to make a frightening creaking sound every evening as I go upstairs to bed.
1) Tell us what your blog is about and what inspired its conception?
I started to write very soon after I had separated from my husband. Although it was my choice to leave, it was a very stressful time and I found that there was a lot of – well…stuff – that I couldn’t say to anyone. So I just let it out in my blog. In one big dump.
It started as an electronic diary, a private log, but quite quickly it grew into a more public space. As I became happier in my personal life, I found that I was considering my audience much more, and I wanted to share the fact that divorce can actually be a positive experience.
2) Who is your ideal reader and what do you hope they can gain from your blog?
My blog isn’t all about divorce now! In fact, as I separated three years ago, it’s much more about the ups and downs of life as a single parent. So I guess that the blog is aimed at single parents, because they will identify with my shenanigans – but actually the reality is that most of my readers tend to be in relationships.
I do get messages regularly though from unhappy women, who are thinking of leaving their husbands. Sometimes they want advice, and other times, they just need someone to speak to.
3) Where do you see your blog in 5 years’ time and will the topic continue to be as prevalent?
As the blog is about my life then I’m hoping it will still be going in 5 years’ time. Let’s see: my boys will be 19 and 17 by then. The 19 year old will probably have swanned off to America (he was talking about this just yesterday) leaving me hanging on to my 17 year old with all my might. He will no doubt hate me for this, and I shall become a wizened old bitter empty husk of a crone, with a severe case of premature empty nest syndrome.
And who won’t want to read about that?!
4) How do you continually find content for your blog?
It mainly comes from my children. How I feel about them, what I do with them, how they affect my relationships… They have a wonderful insight on the world that adults don’t seem to have. I’m also a keen amateur photographer so, if I don’t have written content, I will share some of my photos. I don’t sweat it, though. If nothing comes into my head, I won’t post anything.
5) Do you have any words of wisdom for all the single parents out there that have tweens and teenagers in their household and how to deal with co-parenting effectively?
When I split from my husband, I had a fairytale vision that we would spend Christmases together, babysit for each other, support each other. But quite quickly our relationship exploded; he lied about me to our friends and cut off all communication. If this happens to you, my advice is to not rise to it. Head down, keep being polite, don’t lash out. Particularly don’t reveal your feelings to your kids. If you manage to bite your tongue, it will all level out in the end. It’s taken me three years, and we’re still not quite there, but we show each other more respect now than we have done for a long, long time.
6) Does your ex-husband read your blog? How does he feel about it?
No. I blog anonymously. If he read some of my earlier posts, all our positive relationship-building would go down the toilet.
7) What opportunities has your blog provided you professionally?
Well, I spent six months drawing up an agreement with a large internet-based organisation, which sadly closed down before everything went live! So I’m back to the drawing board on that one. I would love to publish a collection of my posts, or write a book about divorce – but as all single parents know, time is hard to come by.
8) Do you have any advice for aspiring bloggers?
Don’t faff about too much, thinking about your aims, or the blog title, or the platform, or whatever. They’re just excuses. Just write. It doesn’t matter if your first posts are a pile of poo. Actually, what am I saying? It doesn’t matter if ALL your posts are a pile of poo. Just get on and write. You’ll find it’s an amazing outlet for you. And if you’re not already on Twitter, get on it. There are like-minded single parents out there who will, in time, give you support when you most need it. Good luck!
THANK YOU FOR LETTING US GETTING TO KNOW YOU!
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Blog: The Secret Divorcee
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